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Wed, Jan 19th - 9:11PM

this blog is my 2011 resolution diary

if you don't want to read about how i am faring with my resolutions and related issues, don't read this, because that's what this is. i'm not here to entertain you. on the other hand if you have made similar resolutions to mine and would like company keeping them, or know me and care what happens to me, or are amused by such things, i am making this public so you can follow along. no one is twisting your arm, though. if you want my thoughts on politics, advertisements, television, feminism, religion or anything of import to someone other than my own struggling self, i have an actual blog for that, and it's listed in my blog roll here. i only mention this because someone said this blog makes no sense. well, it makes perfect sense to those for whom it is intended. if that's not you, you need read no further.


for the rest of you, and myself:


monday i saw my primary care physician, as i've said, and she prescribed some meds, some for daily use and some for use as needed. on tuesday i went to the eye doctor and got a prescription for new specs but also found out my choice of frames is so severely limited that it may well be a problem getting this prescription filled. i doubt i will even have a chance to try until next week, when i go out for more docs' appointments. meanwhile, i picked up the meds yesterday. i rejected one: it has a component to which i am allergic. that would've been a diuretic. usually those are prescribed for high blood pressure but i have low normal blood pressure, really good blood pressure. in my case it has been prescribed to see if it will help reduce the swelling in my ankles. however, it won't be doing that as i rejected the medicine.

the other meds are: cymbalta, which will do double duty for fibromyalgia and depression. i took it once before but did not give it enough of a chance to see if it would work. (i gave it ALMOST enough of a chance... but i had to stop taking ALL my meds, as i started becoming violently ill at the very site of a pill. that's because i was also taking 11 other pills per day, some of them for arthritis, some for fibromyalgia (and those were making me very ill), some for asthma, some for acid reflux, some for overactive bladder, and then i had more if i got a migraine or sinus headache. it was TOO MUCH. i had to stop... and if i wasn't willing to stop then my body was going to make me stop. it did.

now i am trying again, and i really want to be able to do this without my stomach's rebelling. i'm not taking the mirapex anymore; that was the fibro med that in itself could make me so sick, never mind the rest. i started at a quarter of a mg, which didn't nauseate me, and i could get up to 3/4 without being sick, too, but the goal was 4 i think. i don't remember well now. i do know that i would spend a week being nauseous and then have to up the dosage another quarter, and i got pretty far with it, but i just never had a time when i wasn't sick. once i got to my goal dosage, then it was going to take half a year for it to work, IF it worked. i just couldn't take it anymore. i think even if i hadn't begun puking all the time, i would've had to quit the mirapex. so... now it's cymbalta alone for that. singulair worked GREAT for my asthma -- i never even needed my inhaler the whole time i was on it -- and i hope it does again. prilosec worked MOST of the time for the acid reflux, and it had better do so again, as i am in agony. i have some sudafed on hand in case of sinus headaches, which i rarely get, and i think she forgot to give me ibuprofen for minor relief of major arthritis. it doesn't work well but it cuts the pain down to a humanly tolerable level. i guess i have to call her office AGAIN tomorrow; i called it today to explain why i rejected the diuretic.

and of course i have my alli, prescribed but rejected by insurance, purchased on ebay (perfectly legal; it is available over the counter), to block absorption of 30 percent of my fat intake. i take one to three a day -- usually one, since that is how many meals i have. yes, i know i should have three. tough. i'm working on it. sometimes i have two. i'm trying!

and where did i put the eye drops the eye doctor gave me? ah, in my coat pocket. there we go. that's all of them.

when the singulair kicks in i will go back to the healthrider... probably not tomorrow, unless the cymbalta doesn't make me ill. i think it's about a third of the amount i will be taking (they ease you onto it) so maybe it won't, and if it doesn't, then taking the second third won't either. that would be nice. i don't think the doctor knows yet what my dosage will be, but i think it will come to thrice the starting dose, based on past experience with cymbalta and also with my curious relationship with meds: i'm usually either allergic to them or terribly resistant. singulair is an oddity: the normal dosage works great with no side effects!  it should be easer to sing once the asthma is under control, too.  oh btw i did have my laugh today, when sammy crawled into a paper bag and richard picked the bag up by its handles and carted sam all over the house.  sam likes that!

so i have to remember to take three pills every night, plus the alli after each meal. is this beyond my capabilities or shall i rise to the occasion? we shall see!


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Mon, Jan 17th - 9:46PM

a visit to the doctor

i've had some advice from my doc, not to mention specialists' appointments all over the place. some of the advice had to do with my goal of losing 100 points this year. her first caution was that 100 pounds, as a goal, was about twice as much as i could safely lose in that period of time. i have heard otherwise (not from advertisments!)., but since i don't seem likely to succeed at that anyway i'm not worried. she suggested that 50 would be safe. i'll be thrilled if i lose that much but happier if i lose a little more. she approves of my exercise, understands that my eating habits are not the cause of my overweight, and advises that i use alli for three months, then go off it for three, and then back on for three, then off for good. i THINK she said three... two, was it? i can ask next month (or sooner, but i have another appointment next month). she wants my blood. doctors are all vampires!

at any rate i had my first meeting in a long while with a scale. it was unkind. i weigh 252 pounds and change. i am of medium height and am small-boned; i have no way of handling this amount of weight, and arthritis makes it even more urgent for me to lose it, as does my pre-diabetic blood-sugar levels. i must get back on the healthrider, with which asthma has been interfering. one of the many prescriptions i'll be picking up tomorrow is for singulair, which in the past really controlled my asthma well. i hope it hasn't changed its mind.  the exhaustion is still overwhelming but being able to breathe will make it easier to up my rider time.  i stopped at three and a half minutes:  pathetic!


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Mon, Jan 10th - 9:54AM

another article

here is a new article i wrote related to the topic of this blog: .  meanwhile i have a doctor'a appointment today and may try to wake myself up a bit on the healthrider so i don't cancel and miss it.


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Sun, Jan 9th - 6:17PM

checking in scalelessly

okay so much for a dedicatedly daily diary, alliterative though that may be.  i just have way too much to do.  however, i can certainly keep y'all apprised of my progress, or whatever will pass for progress, in the battle of reconditioing the deconditioned and reenabling myself to the extent my disabilities allow (and maybe, since i'm stubborn and contrary, more).

i've been very good about taking alli, medium good about the healthrider (the last two days my body hurts too much, thanks to fibromyalgia AND arthritis... it's hard to use the healthrider when one hand won't close, since you do have to hold onto the handlebars).  i've been better, which is still pretty crappy, about washing or at least wiping, my glasses, great about laughing, medium miserable about singing and a TOTAL FAILURE at not yelling at richard.  i have baked nothing but bread so far this year but a batch of brownies is inevitable; richard wants them!


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Fri, Jan 7th - 1:22AM

excite the chorizo

today i was busy doing a whole lot of nothing, meaning i didn't write an article or story, and i didn't exercise until after midnight, but i did three and a half minutes. i ate one meal and took an alli, which again got stuck in my throat, and just now ate one and a half small pieces of steak that richard brought me back from a buffet, shhh don't tell! the reason i left a half is that it was tough and fatty and gristly, ewww! i took another alli with it.i watched posh nosh and laughed, but didn't sing. next time i cook i must remember to disenfranchise my food while it's still hot, and to distress my eggs. it's SO silly! here, this is the very first episode ever:

and this is the one that amused me tonight:

and this one, which i forgot to say had me laughing the night before, teaches you how to make leftovers! "this is one of those wines you don't want to have sex with."


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Wed, Jan 5th - 8:13PM

short entry

3:30 up all night, awakened by one, drinking coffee and just ate two brats so i am taking an alli.

9:15 really busy all day. ate salad and chopped liver, with glass of milk, taking alli now. ack it is sort of stuck in my throat (not choking me but just sitting there). no time to exercise and quite frankly i hurt all over today anyway. i had (and made) a writing deadline; now i have to write a short story in two days, and haven't a clue what it will be about, but i still feel some of the pressure is off.

i will do better tomorrow.  i hope i sleep.


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Wed, Jan 5th - 2:05AM

another diet-related link in this post

two in the morning: ate buttered bagel with a slice of pepperjack cheese and a teeny little slice of gjetost on the side. did not take alli; maybe should have.

morning: i had two fried eggs (just used a tiny bit of cooking spray, and they burned anyway because i walked away -- but they didn't stick! -- and drank half my coffee already, so i took an alli. i should have worked out beforehand but it's okay; enough time has passed that i'll do it now.

i held penny in my arms and sang, then rubbed her tummy. why is singing now something i have to REMEMBER to do?

my helper is coming today. i need to be able to tell her what i need her to do. i think she should brush my hair first. yes, my arms hurt THAT much -- even without the healthrider (that's why i want to work them)! that's why i keep my hair short (it's getting long, though). i love my hair long but i just can't care for it. maybe i can grow it and get her to braid it for me so it won't need such care.

helper at dentist, not coming until tomorrow.

3 pm did my three minutes, decided to really use legs more than arms, and consequently had some cramping but not so much. used inhaler but having asthma issues anyway.

by the way i don't want this to be strictly a food and exercise diary and i will NOT be counting calories, or carbs, or any other food element here. when i mention food it will generally either be in connection with when i do or don't take alli, and to make you envious and hungry if i cooked something fabulous lol.

i had three brats with mustard and relish (no bread though) so i took an alli.

i forgot to give y'all this link: hope you find it helpful. i also didn't mention this one: . i am not in a position to follow it right now for a couple reasons. richard is one of them lol but our poverty is another; a poor person giving up pasta is a poor person starving to death. however, it's not a horribly expensive diet; we're just terribly poor!

i am baking a rosemary baguette. i love baking bread; the process and watching it work out (if it does) is almost as good as the first bite while the bread's still warm. it's so tactile, even though i do often use the bread machine for the first kneading. i don't use it for anything else though -- no longer bake in it. i like shaping the bread myself, and letting it rise in the closet with a damp dishtowel over it. i like peaking to see if it has doubled in size yet. i like punching it down! i would like brushing it with a beaten egg a bit better if i had a pastry brush but oh well!

midnight: richard came home at ten NOT having eaten; they had too many people at the taste test so they paid him and sent him home! so i am cooking salmon with brussels sprouts, and red and green onion, in a slender slip of bechamel, over a bed of raw spinach which will wilt when the hot stuff gets put onto it. oh yeah and the baguette! it came out really fluffy! richard commented that he was surprised that i served it without butter, but once he bit into it he knew it needed none.

four in the morning and i forgot to take the alli with dinner, so i took it now, which is probably stupid.

i didn't really laugh today but i smiled; sammy made a cave out of my comforter and hid in it, with only his eyes showing. it held its shape quite well, so that when he left it and came back later, he was easily able to slip back into his former position. he's so sweet!


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Mon, Jan 3rd - 5:16PM

saddish day, not singing or laughing
6:30 am i haven't been to sleep yet! and i have not remembered to stretch, either. i just gave a big untargeted stretch of the sort people give when awakening and realized i'd forgotten. well, the healthrider is a stretchy kind of exercise but... not the same way. i'll think of something.

woke up noonish, had coffee, no alli (still sipping on coffee at almost six pm) and no exercise yet. i have not laughed or sung. i've rubbed my eyes. i've cleaned my glasses, sort of. going to exercise now.

6:10 pm i did THREE minutes! richard got off easy; he did four bottom one top, anticipating that i would do two and a half. arms KILLING me. legs okay. forgot to mention left leg cramp first time i did it; that hasn't come back, fortunately. 

unless i make some kind of dessert later, i will only take one alli today, for i have not yet eaten (am about to -- bbq beef and veg roast).

12:41 am  i didn't sing today but i got my laughs!  i played a funny cats video on youtube and woody tried to catch the cats on the screen -- actually he was more interestd in catching a fly fan!  i only exercised once today.  i'll try for twice tomorrow.  hard up upon a writing deadline so i'd better do SOMETHING to wake up my brain.


7:11 ate my dinner, drank a tiny bit of eggnog, still working on the same tumbler of coffee, cold now of course. took one alli.
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Sun, Jan 2nd - 10:17PM

9ish am made myself huge tumbler of coffee with milk and flavored creamer, as usual. still sipping on it by noon and beyond so did not take an alli pill

11 am two and a half minutes on healthrider, lower pedals. have decided not to do upper pedals at all until my arms stop aching from such a short time on the lowers -- of course they still hurt from yesterday's half-minute stint on the uppers! fibromyalgia really has done a number on my upper arms, and though i therefore really need to work on then, that doesn't mean i should destroy them. the lower pedals, meant to focus on the legs, give my arms a workout almost beyond what they can bear. when that stops being true i will again consider the upper pedals. meanwhile i am trying for three times a day, and two and a half minutes is a half-minute improvement over yesterday but we'll see if i can do it again. my arms HURT! (i will make richard do five minutes for this one, and double whatever i do next, too.)

i find that if i am mostly asleep and my mind is empty, i can still more or less sing "good night irene." the cats seem to like it okay, too! i once saw townes van zandt and john stewart in concert in london, along with two british musicians of similar ilk, very fine ones but because i was not familiar with them and because i have lost brain cells since then, i forget who they were. the way the concert worked was that one american and one brit came and and performed together for a bit, and then they went backstage and the other pair came out, and they went back and forth like that. what the audience probably didn't know (although most of us came to realize it) was that whoever went backstage had a bit to drink while awaiting their turn, and the drinks were beginning to take their toll. the performances were not affected... until the encore. all four came out and they actually had not rehearsed anything as a quartet. to make matters even more interesting, loudain wainwright iii was in the audience (along with a nasty heckler whom we finally had ejected) and the quartet invited loudain up to join them in the encore. well, what could they perform? the only song all five of them knew was "good night irene"! but four of them were too drunk to remember all the lyrics. we in the audience had to prompt them! it was good fun. well, i guess my sleepy brain is like their drunken brains: all i could think of to warble to the felines was "good night irene" and it was okay with them.

now you know what? it's almost two in the afternoon and i STILL have not washed my glasses, and i think they really need it now.

okay, all washed! now that leaves laughing, taking alli and not yelling at richard. well too bad for not yelling because he didn't put the lasagna leftovers away last night (i cook, he serves, we both wash up, and he puts away leftovers.) as for laughing, i do not necessarily depend on the tv for my laughs, but let's face it, i AM mostly a shut-in, my eyes don't let me read as much as i'd like, and the cats are usually smile-funny, not laugh-funny (there are, of course, frequent exceptions). so tv is a good resource. because of my tinnitis, i keep it on almost all the time anyway; i'm listening to a substandard episode of law and order svu now. i do love the show but a barrel of laughs it's not. i will have to find something funny later. trouble is, i'm really picky. and i have NOT resolved to be less picky!

2 pm, i made us fried egg sandwiches -- just seasoned egg on no-trans-fat spreaded toasted english muffins with a slice of pepperjack cheese. from now on in these posts i will refer to the spread as butter because it's easier, but i always use this spread, and it's not bad. before i let richard eat his he had to do his five minutes. i think he did five and a half; the timer only goes to four! i took an alli when i was done with the sandwich. i'm still nursing the coffee.

6:19 pm how did my glasses get so dirty so fast? and hmm, actually i think i've been pretty good about not rubbing my eyes, without even trying not to (i've been distracted) so it's not that.

6:34 pm two and a half minutes on the healthrider, a bit out of breath, arms KILLING me. this is going to be a problem. if it weren't for my arms i wouldn't hesitate to plan a third go tonight, but i don't want to injure my muscles! this isn't no pain no gain pain. this is ow don't DO that pain. and richard has refused to do his part or any more riding today because he cleaned the bathroom and he doesn't care that that's anaerobic, too bad, he won't hop onto the healthrider again. poo. if i can do it, he can do it, and i cleaned as much of the bathroom floor as i could before asking him to take over, too!


9:13 finished lasagna and salad, and last sip of coffee, and am now taking an alli.


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Sat, Jan 1st - 10:06PM

losing 100 pounds in 2011, singing, laughing and more!
i finally found a use for this blog! i don't know if i have the discipline to post daily how i am faring with my new year's resolutions, which can be seen at and , but i shall do my best, and try not to bore myself and others.

today's progress:

1. i did not wash my glasses.

2. i made no attempt to keep my fingers out of my eyes.

3. i sang to several cats on a few occasions.

4. i yelled at richard for being a dufus. oops.

5. i started the year out by watching the marx brothers marathon on tcm so i did laugh!

6. i took an alli pill twice, as that is how many times i ate today.

7. i rode my healthrider, bottom pedals, three times, for two minutes each time, and one of those times i actually remembered to use my inhaler beforehand. the first time, i forgot, and used it afterwards. i also did 30 seconds on the top pedals, and now, hours later, my arms still hurt.

8. i didn't bake! well, not dessert, anyway. i did make a lovely lasagna. if i change my eating habits drastically, how will i know if the alli is working?


p.s. anyone who has used alli, i would love your input, experiences and advice!
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