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Sat, Jun 13th - 4:43AM

Miscarriage: Flashbacks to a terrible time.
Heidi says:

Dear Ellen,

This time of year is so difficult for me. It's been two years since my miscarriage, (in June of 2007), and I feel like I experience flashbacks of that terrible time. I know I've come a long way from when it first happened, but sometimes I feel like I've still got so far to go. Right now, I don't feel like I've healed at all. I cry and feel depressed. I miss my baby as I did right after my miscarriage and wonder if this time of year will always trigger my sadness to come out? I am very thankful for this website. After reading so many of the other stories, I know I'm not alone in this. Thank you for all you're doing, and to all the women here, I am very sorry you've gone through this.

Dear Heidi,

I am so sorry for your loss, and I know what it's like when the anniversary date of your miscarriage rolls around. Many of us have flashbacks and it feels like you're reliving the entire experience. I have struggled with this, even all these years later.

You have come a long way in terms of healing and I thinks it's a sadly natural thing for you to remember, reflect, and cry over the baby you loved and lost. One day at a time is the only way you can take this- and sometimes you just need to talk to someone who understands. I understand, the women here do, and so many others. I know that doesn't change what you're experiencing, but it helps to know you're not alone.

If you find yourself really sinking into a depression, I gently suggest talking it out with a grief counselor, friend- someone.

Also, it helped me a great deal when I had a memorial service for my baby, and I waited seventeen years to do it. The feeling of closure I got was necessary, and although the sting of my miscarriage didn't go away, it was lessened by holding my own goodbye to my son. I read him a letter, set a balloon into the air with my kiss mark on it and knew he got my message. More importantly, I felt like I'd finally given him the memorial he deserved. No, I never got to hold or see my son, but I loved him with all my heart and he touched my life in profound ways- just like your baby touched your life.

As you go through the days, please be gentle to yourself and know you are perfectly normal for grieving, remembering and missing your precious baby.

I'm always here for you. Please come back whenever you want.

Love, Light and Blessings to you,

Today's angel message from my Messages from Your Angels Perpetual Flip Calendar
by Doreen Virtue is: "Miracles rush toward those who love so completely, and if you accept love through a human relationship, it shall be yours indeed."

Comment (8)

Tue, Jul 24th - 8:18AM

Comment of the Day:

Miscarriage:"This website and 'I Never Held You' have been a great help."

Hello Everyone,

May today find you surrounded by the care, concern and compassion you need.

Today's message from my Perpetual Angel Calendar by Doreen Virtue says: "There is not one iota in God's consciousness that would test you or give you pain. God wills only love, joy, and peace for you in all ways."

Recently, a comment came in at, and I want to share it with you because both my book, I Never Held You, and my support site,, have given help to a couple. It did my heart good to read this comment, and my continued prayers for their healing go along with my thanks for writing.

Blessings and Peace to you all,

Leah from WV says:
This website and "I Never Held You" have been a great help through the healing process. My husband and I have been married for five years and wanted to expand our family. We just assumed we would be pregnant and everthing would go smoothly. However, after four pregnancies and no babies we were sadly mistaken. We did not take time to grieve. Why? Every doctor that treated us during our miscarriages made us feel like it wasn't a big deal and it happens all the time. Just wipe away the tears and get over it, basically. After I had a panic attack and cried all the time, we decided to do some research on the web. We bought the book, which my hubby and I both read. And realized this is a big deal, our babies died and we have the right to mourn those losses. It's been almost a year since our last loss. Even though we still think how old our babies would be now and then, we're in a better place Thank you Ellen.

Ellen says:
Dear Leah,

I am so sorry for your losses, and the emotional ride of disappointment and hurt you and your husband have been through.

It does my heart good to know that I Never Held You and have proven to be of some help. Sadly, neither the book nor this site would exist had I not lost my own baby.

In a way, this site in honor of ALL our babies lost to miscarriage. Something positive had to come from all our tears. An awareness that the babies we lost were JUST AS REAL as the miscarriages we suffered is starting to take hold.

To be basically 'blown off' by your own doctor after your miscarriages is terrible. "Just wipe away the tears and get over it, basically."

Yes, you have the right to mourn your losses- and should. Without grief, how do you truly heal? I know you and your husband will NEVER forget your precious little ones, but healing doesn't mean forgetting. It's a process, as you are painfully aware. I suspect you'll always think about things like how old your babies would be, etc.

I still do, and my son would be sixteen years old.

Oh, and boy can I relate to your panic attacks. Actually, you may have read about my experiences with them in my book. Scary. So scary. Miscarriage is very traumatic and the more doctors are aware of this, the more they may see miscarriage as a catalyst for anxiety, depression and the like. When this happens, more women and their families will be helped.

Thank God there are some very compassionate doctors out there.

I pray for your dreams of a family to come true, Leah. How you reach that goal is to be seen- there are various roads to examine. But, I wish nothing but the best for you and your husband, and will always keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

Thank you for letting me know where you are on your healing journey. Knowing you are both in a 'better place', (I know it's still tough), inspires me, and will probably inspire others here.

Blessings to you,

Comment (9)

Tue, Jul 24th - 7:58AM

Welcome to MiscarriageHelp- Miscarriage Support miscarriage support site for women who have miscarried hosted by Ellen DuBois, author of I Never Held You, a book about miscarriage, healing and recovery

Hello, and welcome to Webring's This is YOUR safe place to share your feelings after miscarriage. There is no right or wrong...your feelings are REAL, deserved to be recognized, and DO count. You matter.

My name is Ellen DuBois. I'm the author of I Never Held You, a book about miscarriage, healing and recovery, and host of It's an honor to be here for you. We are all here for each other.

I am amazed at the over 200 comments that are here. This site launched about a year ago, and it's grown tremendously over the past several months.

I am both happy- and a bit sad about it. If there were enough support in the community- both in the United States and worldwide, sites like this wouldn't be needed so much. However, awareness of the terrible fallout after miscarriage is increasing...and I believe it's because women like you and I are speaking up and out saying: Hear us! Our grief is REAL. I did not lose a 'fetus'. I lost my BABY. Recognize that and please treat me with the respect I deserve...

Please feel free to post your comments here. You are welcome with open arms- 24/7. I do my VERY BEST to respond to each and every comment, and welcome the responses from others, too. After all, we're in this together. Thank God we've got each other.

Blessings to you all,
Ellen DuBois

Read over 200 comments and post your own by clicking  here.

Author of I Never Held You- a book about miscarriage, healing and recovery with contributions by Dr. Linda Backman, Psychologist and Grief Counselor, and Host of

Note: About Posting at When posting on, you may get an error message due to security purposes after clicking on the "submit" button.  You'll be shown a link that says "fix this error myself". You don't have to do a thing. Your post will go through just by clicking on the submit button alone. I personally read and approve each submission to stop inappropriate content on this site. I assure you, if you're not a machine and are a real, live human being, your post will be added! Thank you for your understanding & please check back for your post.

Read over 200 comments and post your own by clicking  here

Please view my Amazon Author Connect Blog  (Link will open in a new window).

Comment (11)

June 2009
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