Wed, Jul 16th - 12:27PM
Flirting and oblivious guys
Flirtation & Body Language
Making eye contact is the most fundamental
aspect of flirting. Its also accompanied by batting eyelashes, touching
one's hair, casually touching arms, suggestive smiles, giggles,
winking, flattery, stretching/flexing, teasing, making playful/sexual
jokes and even playing footsie under the table.
In a more modern setting flirting may also
involve online chats, text messaging, sending flowers/gifts or poetry.
How people respond to flirtation during the initial courtship will
determine whether the relationship progresses to dating or a sexual
Flirting is often rebuffed or unnoticed and thus not all flirts lead to a
long-term relationship or casual sex. How people respond to flirting
determines whether the other person is interested/attracted.
Social psychologists at McGill University
have discovered that different beliefs between men and women about the
power of flirting can hurt committed relationships.
Men simply do not see the same danger as
women when a flirt strikes, says Prof. John Lydon, a relationship
expert and lead author of the study in the July issue of the Journal of
Personality and Social Psychology, published by the American
But there is an almost immediate negative
impact on the relationship, researchers discovered in a series of
experiments involving 724 heterosexual college students involved in
In one experiment, a meeting with an
"available, attractive alternative" was closely followed by the
discovery their partner had done something that irritated them, such as
reveal an embarrassing detail to others. The men got angry. The women,
however, became more loving and forgiving.
According to Lydon, these young women
recognized the danger presented by an attractive flirt and worked to
shore up the committed relationship they already had. The men didn't
have a clue what was going on, he says.
"One of the undergraduate males (in the
study) asked, `Does this mean men are pigs?' said Lydon, adding that it
only means men are self-focused and "not making the connection."
We should note that some men don't even
pick up on when women are flirting (unless the female is being
extremely obvious). Some men are just clueless.
Learn more about flirting at the Sex eZine.
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