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Mon, Sep 29th - 11:24AM

Sarah Palin Is a Valley Girl

If you're familiar with the expression "gag me with a spoon" and the culture that associated with it, you know what a "valley girl" is.

Back in the early eighties, the term was so popular that there was even a short-lived television series based on the culture.

Paris Hilton and her ilk might like to think that they created the super-materialistic, vacuous bimbo image, but they are mere echos to the rampant material girls who strove to imitate women living in the world-famous Los Angelic "Valley."

But, how does this make Sarah Palin a "valley girl," you might wonder?

In Southcentral Alaska, the small towns of Palmer and Wasilla are collectively referred to as "The Valley." Wasilla, as you recall, is the now infamous hometown of Republican Vice Presidential candidate Sarah Palin.

Aside from being the meth capital of Alaska, Wasilla also boasts the second highest concentration of "hot" women (Girdwood, home of disgraced Republican Senator Ted Stevens, being the first). "If Lindsay Lohan lived in Alaska, she'd definitely live in Wasilla," said one University of Alaska, Anchorage, Freshman.

Add to all of that the fact that Sarah competed in the Miss Alaska beauty pageant, and you have a recipe for a bona fide "valley girl."

While investigating a tie between Ms. Palin and the possibility in her involvement in the valley girl movement of 1983, one anonymous classmate had this to report: "I've always remembered how in our senior year, Sarah said, 'Like, wouldn't it be sooo rad if I became the first woman president?' I used that line day for years. It never got old."

Although based in fact, this post is completely satirical and dedicated to those incredibly witty writers at The Onion.

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Fri, Sep 19th - 2:12PM

Shackles and Muscles
Well, blow me down, Cap'n! WebRing be asking all us buccaneers to speak aaar lingo. Here ye be, scallywags.

Shackles and Muscles
(A Pirate's Tribute to YouTube's LonelyGirl)

In many a fair city, not all girls are so pretty
Hence ’twas on the Net that I first watched the girl all a-lonely
She pirated her webcam through her lone chamber small and narrow
Crying, “shackles and muscles I be alone, a lonely girl, yo ho”

Alone, a lonely girl, a lonely girl, yo ho
Crying, “shackles and muscles I be alone, a lonely girl, yo ho”

She was an attention monger, be sure ’twas no wonder
For so were her sister and brother
And they each pirated her webcam through her lone chamber small and narrow…
She dashed for cover and no one could save her
And that was the end of the sad girl all a-lonely
Her ghost still haunts the Net through our chambers small and narrow

This be a pure perversion of the tradition'l sea shantie, "Cockles and Mussels." Savvy? No?! You can see it at me fellow freebooter's site: The Pirates of Brown University

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Mon, Sep 1st - 2:32PM

YOU Plan the American Budget
Whether Democrat, Republican, Constitution, Libertarian, or Green, we all tend to criticize our politicians about debacles in our national budget. Introducing "Budget Hero"!

Jefferson Public Radio (serving the State of Jefferson) has posted this new interactive game that puts you in charge of determining how to spend $3.3 trillion dollars. After deciding what programs to keep and which ones to cut, which taxes to raise and which ones to cut, you can then see the 10 year impact your choices would likely have on our nation.

The game was created by American Public Media, and it illuminates how truly challenging it can be to balance the US budget. Go give Budget Hero a try!

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